Unfaithful
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: There is nothing worse than a husband that keeps you at arms length. Unable to take the distance anymore Meredith seeks comfort from another man.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Unfaithful  
Author: Danielle  
Rating: Mature readers only  
Pairings: Mark/Cristina, Meredith/Derek, Meredith/Mark, with mention of Cristina/Burke, Alex/Izzie, and Addison/Derek  
Premise: There is nothing worse than a husband that keeps you at arms length. Unable to take the distance anymore Meredith seeks comfort from another man. What was meant to be a one night stand turns into something much bigger and changes the lives of the people she cares about the most.

ChapterOne

This was it, Dr. Richard Webber's last hurrah. He was going out with a bang, Mark Sloan thought as he stood in the corner, his long, supple fingers curved around the stem of a full champagne flute. The hospital had gone all out, renting one of the Fairmont's lavish banquet halls and hiring a rather good live band. Of course, being the cheap bastards that they were, Webber's retirement party was also doubling as the annual New Year's Eve bash.

He hadn't wanted to come, these functions really held no appeal for anymore, but his wife had given him no choice. Of course, she had managed to escape the night's festivities by volunteering her services to Doctors Without Borders. While he was pretending to celebrate Webber's many years in the medical community Cristina was 'generously' reconstructing some kid's heart in India. If it had been any other doctor but her he would have commended them for being so charitable. Nothing with Cristina was free though, and he knew the truth of her generosity. She was one upping Preston Burke.

Marrying Cristina Yang hadn't been something he had planned on, but too much tequila and too many lonely nights had led them to an impromptu exchanging of vows during a Las Vegas medical convention. At first they planned on annulling it; until they returned home and found that during their two week absence Alex Karev had proposed to Izzie Stevens, and Meredith had actually set a date for her wedding to Derek. Cristina had begged, begged, him to continue the charade a while longer; just to save face amongst her peers. The charade had grown comfortable though, and after five years neither of them seen the point in ending it.

"Surgery," a quiet voice he knew all to well interrupted him. Smiling faintly, Mark turned to his left and found a rather sullen Meredith Grey Shepherd standing there with a glass of champagne in each hand. She alternatively sipped from each one, her face a mask of misery.

"Surgery," Mark repeated, thinking he should know what she meant, but not quite grasping the direction she was going.

"That is where my husband is," Meredith muttered, lifting one of her champagne flutes to her lips. He watched, one brow arched up, as she downed almost all of the gold colored liquid. "You're suppose to follow it up with where your wife is."

"Ah. Alright, well Cristina is in surgery as well." Mark spoke slowly, measuring his words carefully. While Meredith and Cristina weren't as close as they once had been, they still considered each other best friends. He didn't need tales of his bitterness getting back.

"Country. Organization. Award." Meredith downed the rest of her champagne and dropped the flute into a nearby potted palm. He knew better than to ask her why she chose to discard her empty glass in such a manner rather than giving it to a passing waiter.

"India. Doctors Without Boards. Harper Avery, again." Mark recited back, taking a cue from her and tipping the contents of his glass down his throat. The bubbly liquid tickled it's way to his stomach, settling in a nice warm pool.

"Again?" Meredith shook her head, her shoulder length dark blonde hair whispering against her bare shoulders. "Let me guess, Burke is going for it again?"

"You know my wife so well," Mark snickered. He caught the arm of a passing waiter. "Two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Meredith giggled. Her body swayed slightly on the impossibly high red heels that were at odds with the casual flats she usually wore. "If so, you have my full permission."

"Things going that badly are they?" Mark smiled, offering a quiet thank you to the waiter as an unopened bottle of tequila and two clear shot glasses were handed to him. He glanced around for an empty table and found one close to the 'In Case Of Fire' stairwell. "This way," he murmured leading her to the small, round table.

"Derek is pulling away from me." Meredith blurted out, dropping unceremoniously into one of the high backed chairs. She wiggled around, arranging the short, pleated skirt of her black dress. Her trembling fingers reached for the bottle, working the top off. Making a pained face, she took a long sip before handing it back to him.

Mark doesn't respond, he doesn't know how. He felt as though he was in another time, in another place listening to yet another one of Derek's wives tell him that his best friend was pulling away from them. Mentally, he berated the other man. Did he never learn? Apparently not, if wife number two was making the same complaints as wife number one. One good thing, he hadn't asked Mark to substitute for him. He had learned that lesson, and learned it well.

"I've tried to say something, but he brushes me off. He says he is working." Meredith slammed back the shot Mark offered to her. She held the empty glass out for more. "That's all he does, though. Work, work, work."

"He's a surgeon," Mark said weakly. It was the world's lamest excuse. Derek was a surgeon. Meredith was surgeon. Cristina was a surgeon. They were all surgeons. It wasn't an excuse, it was a fact.

"You are correct. He's a surgeon before he is anything. A surgeon who saves lives." Meredith sighed, crossing her arms and balancing them on the table. She leaned forward, giving him an ample view of her small, round breasts. "I don't think that's why he works though. I think he works so much because he's mad at me."

Mark downed two shots before asking "Why would he be mad at you?" It was a question he was better off not asking, but since when had Mark Sloan ever done something that was for his own good? Never.

"I told him I didn't want kids," Meredith said simply. She tapped her fingers against the edge of the shot glass, indicating her need for more tequila. "I thought I might, when we first got together. But then we had that miscarriage and I wasn't sad. I was relieved. If I really wanted kids, I wouldn't be relieved, would I?"

"I don't know," Mark admitted. He wasn't the one to ask about kids. He didn't particularly care for them and couldn't really see himself as a father. Luckily Cristina wasn't the maternal sort and was happy to 'mother' the rather depressed looking bird they had had for a year but never named. "Could be the timing was wrong, and that was why you were relieved."

"Or," Meredith lifted a finger, "it could be I'm not meant to be a mother." She leaned further onto the table, her breasts practically falling out of the low cut neckline of her dress. "Seriously, Mark can you see me with a kid? Do I look like a soccer mom to you?"

No, Meredith was the furthest thing from a soccer mom that Mark had seen. She drank too much, cursed like a sailor when riled, and looked horrified when asked to bake. Maybe she was right and she wasn't the mothering sort at all. No, that wasn't right either. Meredith was kind, she put most people ahead of herself, and she had this way about her that calmed most people down. Those were all important mothering skills. "You'd make a great mom, Meredith."

"Oh no. Not you too. You and I, we're dirty mistresses, ore we were and that means you have to be on my side." Meredith waggled her finger in his face, the tip of it touching his nose. She giggled when she realized where her finger was and made a point of pressing the tip of his nose as though it were a button.

"Stop it," Mark muttered, grabbing her wrist. His fingers curved around the slender bones with plenty of room to spare. His first thoughts weren't of letting go, or that he might hurt her. No, to his shame, he was entranced with how soft her skin was; like velvet. The pad of his thumb rubbed across the thin flesh, a smirk forming on his full, sensual lips when he felt her pulse pounding.

In the back ground he was aware of the count down beginning. Ten. Nine. Eight. He should let her go, forget how soft the skin on her wrist was or how the sight of her breasts spilling out of her dress reminded him that it had been almost three months since he had last had sex. Seven. Six. Five. He had to remember that she was his best friends wife, and not some unknown woman he could fantasize about while whacking off a hard on in the shower. She was his wife's best friend. Four. Three. Two. He had to…he had to taste her. Just this once he had to know if her mouth was as delicious as it looked. One.

He leaned across the table, his silver blue eyes searching her face. The same curious desire glimmered there was as well. He brushed his lips across her's tentatively, wondering if he should take it further. God, he wanted to take it further. He didn't dare though. Not with her. She was Meredith, for crying out loud. Derek's Meredith.

"Happy New Year," he choked out, pulling back before he acted on his desires. He barely gave her a second look as he stumbled away, his heart pounding and his mind warring between what was right and what he wanted.

_What would happen if we kissed?  
Would your tongue slip past my lips?  
Fiona Apple (If We Kissed) _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Emptiness clawed its way through Meredith's gut as she lay on her side, watching the familiar shadows dancing on her bedroom wall. She should have felt guilty, not empty or disappointed. She had tried to feel guilty, mentally listing why it had been wrong to let Mark kiss her, only she couldn't summon even a smidgeon of remorse. As for the disappointment, she didn't really want to dwell on that, afraid of what she might discover about her self.

"Mer? Are you up?" Derek's voice barely echoed in the darkness. She wasn't sure how he wanted her to respond so she said nothing. "I'm sorry that I missed the party. I hope you gave my regards to Webber."

"Of course," Meredith said dully. She lifted her body up onto her elbows, staring at the shadow that was her husband. A giggle formed in the back of her throat. The dark, blurry outline before her was how she seen him anymore; an unrecognizable man that hovered just outside her life. "How's your patient?"

Derek's shadow moved toward the closet, working loose the buttons of his light colored dress shirt. "My patient?"

"Yes, the one you had to operate on. The reason you weren't able to make it to the party." Meredith reminded him, easing her body back into a prone position. She laid her head in the crook of her elbow, fighting back the urge to cry.

"Ah. Mr. Russell. The last I seen him he was recovering nicely." The shirt sailed through the air, landing in the general direction of the laundry basket. "With any luck, he'll be back on his feet in several weeks."

Meredith murmured something unintelligible and then rolled onto her back. She wondered if he even remembered that it was New Year's and if she should say anything. "Happy New Year," he said softly, startling her with how close his voice was. His face loomed over her's, his breath hot on her cheek. She smiled weakly, looping her arms around his neck. He gently pressed his lips to her's, pulling back before she could deepen the kiss.

Another round of disappoint traveled through her veins. Twice in one night a man had left her hanging. It was to be expected with Mark, nothing could ever come of the electricity that sparked between them. Derek was another matter, he was her husband; their clothing should be flying and his body joining with her's. Yet, he seemed satisfied with a platonic kiss and sprawling out on his side of the bed.

"Derek?" She asked softly. He grunted something she couldn't quite make out. "I miss you."

_Half the time the world is ending  
Truth is I am done pretending  
Too much time, too long defending  
__You and I are done pretending_

Gavin Rossdale-Love Remains The Same


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A light drizzle of rain coated Seattle in an almost fog like mist as Meredith Grey-Shepherd made a mad dash from her muddy white Volkswagen Jetta to the frosted glass door of the little tea room she had agreed to meet Izzie at for lunch. It had become a weekly ritual of their's, meeting for lunch and useless small talk. Today's talk wouldn't be mindless chatter. No, today Meredith was going to unleash all the disappointments her marriage had heaped upon her, the magic she had felt when Mark had almost kissed her, and how the idea of acting on that magic was feeling like the right thing to do.

She shivered slightly as her fingers curled around the antique gold colored door knob. She couldn't really place an exact reason on why she was so nervous about this particular lunch. This was normal, it should have been comforting. Yet, as she opened the door and stepped inside the quaint little tea room, Meredith knew this lunch was going to be one of the hardest things she had ever done.

It wasn't anything against Izzie that she had never shared something so personal before. Izzie was sweet, she was a good friend; she just wasn't Cristina. This wasn't something she could talk about with her person though, and that meant taking the scary step of letting Izzie further into life.

Meredith stood just inside the entrance for a moment longer, gathering her thoughts, before letting her gaze seek out Izzie. She found the other woman sitting toward the back, her head bent over a tiny, intricate looking menu. Smiling faintly, she made her way over to the table, her heart pounding harder and harder with each step she took. She couldn't believe she was about to admit that she was contemplating an affair, and with a friend's husband no less.

"Hey," Meredith said softly, pulling out the chair across from Izzie. Izzie looked up, her dark eyes brightening when she seen that Meredith had arrived. There was a glow about her today that Meredith had never seen before. Dread filled her, as she had a fairly good idea what had caused the glow.

"I'm pregnant," Izzie blurted out, confirming what Meredith had already known. It wasn't too much of a shock really, she had known Alex and Izzie were trying. Of course, it had only been two months ago that Izzie announced they were going to start trying to have a baby, and it seemed rather astonishing that they had been able to accomplish it rather quickly. "I'm going to be a mother, Mer. Can you believe it?"

"Congratulations," she said. There wasn't another woman alive that she could see filling the role of mother better than Izzie. Her friend was more than capable and willing to bring another person into the world. "How does Alex feel about it?" The question came before she could stop it. She already knew how Alex felt about becoming a father. It was a conversation they had had when Izzie announced she wanted to have a baby. He was afraid of fucking up, but loved Izzie enough to give her what she wanted. Hearing him say he was unsure but was going to go for it because he loved Izzie that much had felt like a bucket of ice pouring over her hot flesh. Why couldn't she do that for Derek? Why couldn't she love him enough to put her own reservations aside for his wants and needs?

"You know, he was a bit scared at first, when we talked about it. I told him we didn't have to, that I was fine with it being just us. I even offered to start taking my birth control again," Izzie laughed, toying with the edge of her menu. "He said no, that his fears were pretty much like any other guys. He was just scared of messing up." She paused when a waiter arrived, asking if they were ready to order. She politely told him they would need more time and then turned back to Meredith. "You should see him, Meredith. I think he's more excited about this baby than I am. He's already wanting to know the sex so we can pick out a name and start decorating the nursery."

A lump formed in Meredith's throat. She was happy for them, really she was. At the same time she hated them. They had her happy ending, the one she was suppose to of had with Derek. She was trying not to begrudge them that, and most days she succeeded. Today was not one of those days, and she needed Izzie to not talk about her perfect life that was being made more perfect by the new addition they were adding. "I almost kissed Mark," Meredith said in a desperate need to change the subject.

"What?" Izzie stared at her, shock paling her pretty features. A small amount of satisfaction coursed through Meredith. Finally she had some one's full attention. Granted, Izzie wasn't the person whose attention she wanted, but she would do for now. "Meredith, are you crazy?"

"No. I'm just tired of pretending that everything in my life is okay when it's not." The lump in her throat made it almost impossible to talk. She tried to swallow it, but it seemed fully in place. "Derek is never home. He's always working or having to do something that is work related. It's like I don't exist anymore."

"Have you tried talking to him?" Izzie asked, again turning to tell the waiter they were not ready. This time she included that they would let him know when they were ready.

Meredith laughed. Talking to Derek was like talking to a brick wall; she got no response and he didn't move an inch. "Unless the topic is one he wants to talk about, he brushes me off. Do you know what that is like, Izzie? Having your husband treat you like your some unimportant nobody? No. Of course not. Because Alex is Alex and he loves you."

Izzie's features softened. She reached across the table to take a hold of Meredith's hands. "Derek love's you, Meredith."

"Does he? Lately I don't know." Meredith clung to Izzie's hands, needing the physical contact. It offered her an odd form of strength. "He lied to me, Iz. He lied to me about where he was last night. I checked, and he wasn't at the hospital. Nobody seen him and there isn't any patients under the name he gave me. None. He lied."

"Do…do you think he's cheating?" Izzie asked in a whisper, horror filling her large, dark eyes.

"I don't know. Maybe." Meredith gulped, wondering why she wasn't crying. Izzie looked on the verge of tears and she couldn't even muster one tiny droplet. What was wrong with her? "At this point, I'm not sure I care. I think I would look at it as some sort of relief. At least then I would know what was going on in his life."

"You don't mean that, Meredith. If you found out Derek was cheating it would kill you," Izzie insisted. Meredith shook her head. Izzie was wrong. It wouldn't kill her, it have back in the beginning, now she just wanted to live life without walking on pins and needles, always wondering where she stood. "Are…are you going to, you know, do something with Mark? I mean, other than almost kissing."

The time for truth had come. Meredith took a deep breath, prepared herself to admit that she fully planned on letting Mark do more than kiss her, if the opportunity presented itself. She wouldn't seek him out, she wouldn't press her advances on him, but nor would she turn him away, either. She knew enough about his marriage to know he lived the same existence that she did; a lonely one.

"Meredith!"

Her admission died on her lips when she heard the first Mrs. Shepherd call out her name. She braced herself for the unexpected, as that was what she had come to expect from Addison. "Addison," she greeted cautiously. It took every ounce of will power to not demand to know why Addison was in Seattle.

"I seen you and just had to extend my thanks again in person," Addison gushed, a healthy glow that was too similar to Izzie's to be comfortable staining her cheeks. "You really have no idea how much it means to me that you were willing to share Derek the way you have."

Izzie's foot hit Meredith's under the table. She knew what her friend was thinking, that Derek was having an affair with Addison. She wasn't quite sure, after all why would Addison approach her and say thank you if that was the case. It didn't make sense. None of it made much sense. "You're welcome?"

Addison pulled a chair up from a nearby empty table and situated herself between Izzie and Meredith. "I want you to know that you and Derek are both going to be a part of this baby's life."

Baby? Meredith could feel the blood draining from her face. She wasn't hearing things correctly, she couldn't be. "I'm sorry, but why would Derek and Meredith want to be a part of your baby's life?" Izzie asked, as though she could sense Meredith's confusion and need for clarification.

"Well, I guess now that it's a done deal there's no reason to keep it secret, eh?" Addison elbowed Meredith. Meredith forced a tight lipped smile. "I got tired of waiting for the right man to come along, and decided I was going to take matters in my own hands. I wanted a baby, without the hassles of a man. I thought about going with a sperm bank but it seemed to random and cold, and really how would I explain that to a child when they got older? So, I asked Derek."

"You asked your ex-husband…your married ex-husband…to father your child?" Izzie yelled, her mouth remaining open. Meredith fought to keep herself from falling out of her chair. Her fingers gripped the edge of the table, and she told herself to breath. She just had to keep breathing.

"I figured he would say no," Addison said in a wounded voice. "I didn't know he would say yes, or that Meredith would agree."

"Except she didn't agree," Izzie snapped, standing up. She threw down her menu and glowered at Addison. "Look at her, does she look like she agreed to let her husband father your child?"

Addison paled, looking toward Meredith. "He didn't ask you did he?" Meredith shook her head, a foul taste filling her mouth. "Oh God. He told me he asked, that you were fine with it."

"Clearly, he lied," Izzie hissed, walking around to where Meredith still sat. She placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Meredith, let's go."

Meredith sat there, not really hearing what was going on around her. She knew Izzie was urging her to get up, to leave. She knew Addison was apologizing, crying because she thought Meredith was on board. She couldn't really fathom it all, though. She was lost in her own thoughts. In an instant, a settling feeling came over her. She knew what she was going to do, how she was going to handle this. Derek wanted to make a mockery of their marriage, he wanted to keep things from her, well she could do the same.

_I knew this time I had finally found  
Someone to build my life around  
Be a lover and a friend  
After all my heart had put me through  
I knew that it was safe with you  
And what we had would never end  
Wrong again_

Martina McBride-Wrong Again


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

An eerie sense of humor could be found in the fact that Mark Sloan's wife was fucking another man in their bed. If it wasn't for the smidgeon of guilt tickling at Cristina's conscience she might have had a laugh at the irony. She wasn't so cold, so uncaring, that she could laugh about it. No, she didn't find any humor in the fact that she was flat on her back in the bed she shared with her husband letting the man she love thrust in and out of her body at a pace that would rival a man with hell's hounds at his heels. If anything, she felt pathetic.

Marrying Mark had been a whim, a drunken mistake she should have just admitted to. Her pride wouldn't let her, at least not back then. And by the time pride no longer mattered, she had settled into the comfortable routine they established. There was no love, and never would be. They had an understanding, Mark and she; an understanding she wanted out of and was to pathetic to just ask.

"God, Cristina," Burke moaned, his breath hot in her ear. She wrapped her legs around his hips, her fingers trailed down his spine to his buttocks. Using her fingers she pressed down, urging him to shove more of his cock inside her willing body. Twisting her head, she searched out the alarm clock on Mark's nightstand. The timing was perfect; he would be home at any time. "You feel so good, baby. I've missed this."

Cristina closed her eyes, savoring the feeling for a moment. She had missed this as well. There was a connection with Burke that she never felt when Mark and she were together. Mark was an amazing lover but he left her cold, longing for more. He wasn't capable of the more, not with her. "I've missed this too," she whispered back, opening her eyes. A quick glance at the clock again told her that Mark would walking through the front door at any time.

Her heart started to pound when she heard the familiar tread on the stairs. She felt Burke tensing as he realized that Mark was home. "I thought you said he was gone for the day," he accused.

"I…" Cristina stopped, unable to bring herself to tell another lie. Instead, she grabbed him by the neck and pulled his face down to her's. She captured his mouth in a desperate kiss.

"Karma really is a bitch," Mark mused from the doorway. She broke her mouth free from Burke's and inched her body out from under his. Grappling for the light blue sheets that Derek and Meredith had given them for Christmas, Cristina covered her naked body. She felt exposed, as though her darkest secrets were on display for the world to see. "You know, I'm going to have to burn those sheets. Real shame. I liked those sheets."

Mark slowly turned and walked away, as though he hadn't just seen his wife naked, with another man, in their bed. It was over, they were over. He didn't have to say the words for Cristina to know. Relief washed over her.

_Story of my life, Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me, Sorrow in my soul  
Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company_

_Rihanna-Unfaithful_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: Chapter contains material not suitable for anyone under the age of 18. Read at your own risk. _Chapter Five The musty smell of stale air filled Meredith's nostrils as she entered the foyer of her mother's house. It had been years since she had ventured inside, even longer since she had called it home. Home; that was what it was about to become again. Her home. Letting her arms fall to her sides, Meredith stared at the empty living room, with its dust covered fireplace and dull wooden floors. Her fingers relaxed, the keys that had been grasped in her fist falling with a tinkling thump. The memory of waking up to a naked Derek floated before her. She hadn't known the effect he would have on her life, how much he would come to mean. She can't help but wonder, if she had known then what she knew now would she have still picked him up that night in the bar?"How could you?" She whispered to the ghost of the man she had loved. "How could you betray me like that?" It would have been less painful if he had cheated. Sex was purely physical. What he had done with Addison, making the conscience decision to father her baby, had been emotional. Emotion trumped physical every time. He couldn't have chosen a more perfect way to hurt her. Meredith closed her eyes, silently begging that the memories, that the pain, would disappear. Her lips started to tremble violently as the tears started to trickle down her ashen cheeks. Choking back a scream, she pulled her flat cell phone from her back pocket just as it started to ring. Through tear blurred eyes she made out the name on the caller I.D. Mark. "I'm at my mom's house," she sobbed, unable to keep it all in any longer. "Please, please. Please." She didn't even know what she was begging for, just that she had this need to see him, this desperate thought that he could make the world right again. Her phone slipped from her fingers, landing on top of her forgotten keys. Clutching her arms around her waist, she leaned forward, her hair falling around her face like a blonde curtain. She didn't notice she was falling until her knees hit the floor. A jarring pain rattled through her body, but she paid it no mind. Nothing compared to the ache in her heart. She didn't know how long she sat there, balled up and sobbing, only that one moment she was alone and the next Mark's strong arms were wrapped around her. "She's having a baby…" she sobbed, "she's having his baby." "Shh," Mark soothed, pressing her face into his shoulder. His fingers stroked her hair back, while he made comforting noises deep within his chest. She curled her fists into the soft fabric of his shirt, desperately clinging to him as though he was the physical embodiment of her sanity. "Calm down, Mer. Calm down and tell me what's going on." "Addison," Meredith spit out, bitterness dripping from her tongue like acid. "Addison is pregnant and the baby belongs to Derek." Each word felt wrong, like a slap to the face, and once she had said it aloud she let out another sob. Addison was giving Derek what she hadn't been willing to give. Mark's body tensed, his fingers tangling and pulling her hair. She barely noticed. Using her hold on his shirt for leverage, Meredith twisted her body until her face was even with his. She didn't stop to think about the repercussions, or that he was married to her best friend. There was no room for thinking, not anymore. She wanted to react, to feel. She needed those things; needed them desperately. There was nothing hesitant about her lips meeting his. This time she wouldn't let him pull back. Derek had broken the trust that had been between them, and she owed him nothing. She clung to that thought as she slid her tongue past Mark's lips, tracing the soft skin of the recess of his mouth. He seemed uncertain at first, holding back and letting her kiss him. His uncertainty slowly caved to the same sort of uncontrollable need that coursed through Meredith. He took control, grasping her slender hips and yanking her lower body out from under her. She fell back against the dusty floor, not carrying that the wood was cold and hard. With wide eyes, Meredith stared up at Mark's face, his expression difficult to make out in the dark. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking about the fact that he was unbuttoning the pants of his wife's best friend? Or was he thinking about the fact that the woman beneath him was lifting her hips, inviting him to remove her yellow lace panties? Perhaps he was thinking about both. It didn't really matter. They beyond the point of anything really mattering. Biting her lip, Meredith closed her eyes. It had been so long since she had felt anyone but Derek touch her, and the feel of Mark's finger tips tracing her lower abdomen was like feeling a man touch her for the first time. Senses she had long forgotten were reawakened and craving more of the magic that trailed after Mark's fingers. She needed to feel more, to see more. She reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged it up, over his head, and tossed it to the side. Her greedy eyes took in the golden expanse of muscle that was now on display, just for her. In slight awe, she grazes the tips of her fingers across the warm flesh, needing to be sure he was real. Slowly, she lets her fingers inch toward the snap of his jeans, once there she paused. If they did this, there would be no going back. Derek and she might be able to recover the Addison debacle, but this, this would destroy her marriage. Without a second thought, Meredith undid his jeans, her hand slipping inside to cradle his long, hard cock. She could see why Cristina had stayed in a loveless marriage for so long. Mark's large cock alone would be worth it. She shook of thoughts of Cristina, as she didn't want to face the fact that she was shoving faded blue jeans down the hips of her best friend's husband. There would be plenty of time to dwell on that later. "Meredith," Mark murmured, his face looming over her's. He was having second thoughts, she could feel him retreating. Under normal circumstances she would understand, these were not normal circumstances and she needed what only he could give. She needed to feel close to another human being, even if it was a mistake. "Please," Meredith whispered, her green eyes pleading. Didn't he understand? She had gone so long with out feeling another human being touch her, hold her, that she had forgotten how detrimental it was. It wasn't a feeling she enjoyed. He visibly swallowed a lump in his throat and then positioned himself between her thighs. "No turning back," he murmured. She echoed his sentiments in a throaty voice. She kept her eyes on his as he started to enter her, stretching her, filling her. The wonderment she was feeling seemed to be mirrored in his gaze and only grew as he withdrew and then thrust again. Over and over, slow at first and then turning desperate, he thrust. It wasn't making love, but nor was it fucking. Meredith couldn't put a name on it. It just…was. And, no matter how wrong it was, it felt so very, very right. _Our hearts beating fast And my body cries I want it to last It's burning inside Britney Spears-And Then We Kissed _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six Dawn was breaking when Derek heard the front door open, and then quietly shut. He waited until he heard her footsteps on the wooden floor of the hallway before making his presence known. ""Meredith," he called,, his voice sounding as wary and broken as he felt. Silence greeted him, as though she hadn't heard or was choosing to ignore him. He started to call out to her again, but stopped when he seen her hovering in the archway between the foyer and living room. There was no mistakening how she had spent the evening. Her long, dark blonde waves were mused in a way that only sex could muss them, and there was a telling flush to her pale cheeks. His wife had spent the night in the arms of another man, and he had driven her there. "Addison called," he said quietly. She didn't move, didn't show any sign that she was listening. He knew that she was though, the green of her eyes had darkened in the way it always did when she was angry or hurt. "I realize that I should have…""Should have what Derek? Told me about Addison's little proposition? Maybe asked if I was okay with my husband fathering a child for another woman…your ex-wife no less." Meredith stalked closer to him, her anger radiating off her body like waves of heat. "Do you know how humiliating it was to be sitting there, having lunch with one of my best friends and then out of no where Addison comes over to thank me. Of course I had no clue what she was thanking me about and didn't have the guts to admit that my husband doesn't tell me shit anymore." Her fists balled up, as though she was preparing to strike him. She didn't move though, just stood there, staring at him with rage filled eyes. "Izzie had to ask her what she was talking about, because all I could do was sit there like the idiot that I am!" "You're not an idiot," Derek said softly. He hated the hurt he had caused her, and all because he had let his impulsive need to father a child dictate his actions. Addison's proposition had seemed like an answer, he could father a child but not force Meredith into a role she didn't want to fill. Everybody won. Except Meredith, he realized. Meredith got nothing but hurt and humiliation. He would have known that before hand if he had thought about it. He hadn't though, and there was no going back. "No. You're right. I'm not the idiot, you are!" Meredith chuckled. She pushed her messy hair off her face. "Don't you want to know where I was Derek? Don't you want to know what I was doing? Who I was doing it with?" Derek felt his body go cold. From the moment she walked through the door he had known what she had done. She wreaked of sex and masculine cologne. He couldn't hate her for it, though, not when he had driven her to it. "No, he said firmly. "I don't want to know. I don't need to know." "Oh, but I think you do," Meredith taunted. Her lips twisted into a sardonic smirk. "I think you will really enjoy knowing that…" Derek lashed out, grabbing her upper arms. His fingers dug into the soft flesh. "I said no," he hissed, his nose a mere inch from her's. "We're going to forget, Meredith. We are going to forget about Addison and whoever he was. We are going to forget and we are going to get through this." He released the hold he had on her, aware that he had hurt her. "I love you," he said softly, his blue eyes blurring slightly. "I love you and I refuse to lose you. We'll get through this, Meredith." She stared at him, confliction running rampant across her face. Finally, she melted into his arms, letting him hold her. "We'll get through this," she whispered._You should've know that word, bout what you did with herWould get back to me...And I should've been there, in the back of your mindI shouldn't be asking myself whyTaylor Swift-Should Have Said No _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven There was nothing homey about the apartment, it still sported the bare white walls it had had when Mark moved into it almost three months ago. He hadn't added any personal touches, as it was just a place to exist. He showered, slept, and sometimes ate there. He didn't need pretty walls or paintings to do those things. He let out a rather forlorn sigh and plopped down on the over stuffed sage green sofa Cristina had made him take. She had tried to force other parts of their life together on him, but he had refused. He didn't want to be reminded of what a fool he had been. There had been no love, just respect, and these days there wasn't even that. It was hard to respect a woman who had used his past to end some thing he would have gladly ended if only she had asked. Closing his eyes, Mark willed the loneliness away. It hovered near, ever present, always reminding him that he was, indeed, alone. Meredith avoided him, as though she couldn't trust herself to be around him, and Derek spoke only when spoken to, almost as if he knew which was impossible. There was nobody else in Seattle he felt close enough to call a friend. If he really was hard pressed, he supposed he could call Callie one, but her life was so wrapped up in Erica and the little boy they had adopted he didn't have the heart to unload his misery upon her. A rather abrupt pounding on his door had him opening his eyes. "Go away," he muttered, not really wanting to deal with any visitors. Most likely it was a package for his neighbor; the old lady had a habit of leaving a note for the delivery people to take her stuff to Mark if she didn't answer. He didn't know why the old bat was attached to him, other than he had helped her with her groceries a few times. The person wasn't leaving, Mark realized. With a scowl on his face, he rose from the deep cushions of Cristina's couch and stormed over to his front door. He didn't bother to check through the eye hole, just yanked the door open and snapped out an impatient "What?" "Nice to see you too," Derek said sullenly. He edged around Mark, not waiting for an invitation. His lithe form stalked across the beige carpet to the spot Mark had just vacated and stopped. He looked as though he was going to sit, but then changed his mind. "What do you want Derek?" Mark shut the door quietly, resting his forehead against the cool metal. He hadn't been too bothered by Derek's lack of interest in him lately. The less he seen of his so called friend, the better off he was; the guilt didn't eat at him as much when Derek wasn't around. "Is that any way to speak to your oldest and dearest friend?" Derek asked, sarcasm laced through his wounded voice. He looked as miserable as Mark felt. There were dark circles under his eyes that seemed to intensify the blue, and he almost sported a full beard; a few more days and he would. "I came to talk, Mark. I need to talk." "Make your self at home," Mark muttered as he walked into the kitchen. He removed two bottles of beer, twisted the tops off, and joined Derek in slouching on the couch. He offered the second beer while he sipped on the first. He would have poured Scotch or something harder if he had had any. He had given up on the hard stuff a month ago. When he had first realized Meredith wasn't going to leave Derek he had been consumed with a need to numb himself, and Scotch had seemed like the perfect way. Numbing the pain with alcohol hadn't worked, so he had thrown the bottles out. "Meredith cheated on me," Derek said matter of factly. Mark choked on the yeasty tasting liquid in his mouth. "She cheated on me two months, one week, and three days ago. Do you want to know how I know the exact time she cheated?" His intense blue gaze slid to Mark. "How?" Mark managed to gasp the question out. He was pretty amazed by how calm Derek was. The man was talking about his wife's indiscretion as though it was a simple fact of nature. "I know the exact time because I haven't slept with my wife in almost five months and she is two and a half months pregnant." Derek set his bottle of beer on the glass topped coffee table Cristina had foisted on him as well. "I spent almost a year begging her to have a baby and she kept refusing, said she wasn't cut out to be a mother. I make one small mistake…" "You gave Addie your sperm," Mark interjected. "That's not exactly small, Derek. Especially since that sperm is now making up half of a kid's DNA." His mind hadn't quite processed the fact that Meredith was pregnant and the baby was his. He couldn't process it, not with Derek around. It was something he needed to do alone. "True," Derek conceded, his long fingers drumming on his knee. "I suppose it is rather ironic, if you think about it. I give Addison my sperm so she can have a kid, and you use your's to impregnate my wife." He turned his head to look at Mark, a rather twisted smile on his face. "Surprised that I knew?" "How long?" Mark asked, unable to look Derek in the face. "How long have you known it was me?" "I knew the minute she walked through that door. Really, Mark, if you're going to fuck other people's wives you should change your cologne." Derek laughed bitterly. The other man stood, his right fist flexing and un-flexing. He was contemplating a hit, Mark knew. If it came to that he wouldn't stop him. Derek had the right to get at least one punch in. "It wasn't something either of us planned," Mark snapped. Unable to tolerate the way Derek stood over him, as though he was ruler and conqueror. "And maybe, if you hadn't lied to your wife she wouldn't have turned to some one else." "I never lied to her," Derek shouted. "I might not have told her the truth, but I never lied." The man was forgetting New Year's Eve, Mark thought ruefully. That was Derek, conveniently forgetting things when they didn't suit his purpose. "Yes, I should have told her when Addison asked me, and maybe I shouldn't have agreed to help Addison but damn it that didn't give Meredith the right to screw another man, and you at that!" "Ah, yes." Mark nodded. "Tell me Derek, what pisses you off more? The fact that she cheated or that she cheated with me?" It was the latter and they both knew it. "She left," Derek sneered. "The moment she found out she was pregnant she left." He started to prowl, walking the length of the living room. "I told her I didn't care who the father was, that I would raise the baby as my own. That nobody had to know. She said she would know," he went on, talking more to himself than to Mark. "She would know and she couldn't bring herself to live a lie. As if we haven't been living a lie these last couple months." "What's she going to do?" Mark asked, his heart pounding. He wasn't cut out to be a father, wasn't even sure he wanted to be one. Sure he had had a moment of longing on the due date of the baby he would have had with Addison, but that moment had passed, and with it his desire to procreate. "If you think she's going to let you off the hook the way Addison did, you better think again. Meredith, it would seem, has rethought her previous assessment of her abilities as a mother." Derek ran a hand through his hair. "Now, it seems, she is all about being a mother. Going so far as to tell me it would be better for the baby to have no father than one that didn't love him or her." "Maybe she's right," Mark said quietly. The words left a sour taste in his mouth. He knew she was right; no father was better than one who would cause pain. "She's not right, she's delusional! I would never take my hatred for you out on that baby. Never." Derek seethed. "She won't listen, though. Which is why you are going to tell her that you want nothing to do with this baby. You are going to tell her that I'm the better choice. You owe me that Mark." Disbelief coursed through Mark as he stared at the stranger who had once been his best friend. The irrational man before him wasn't Derek, but some confused soul who looked like him. "I don't owe you anything, Derek." "You do," Derek insisted. "You've broken up both my marriages. Both of them, Mark. It's like you can't stand for me to be happy." "You're full of it, Derek. You want to blame some one, look in the mirror. You drove both of them to sleeping with me. I'll admit that I pursued Addison, and maybe it was out of this need for you to be as miserable as me, but that wasn't the case with Meredith. I didn't want to care about her. I didn't want to touch her. I'm only a man, though, and when she begged…she begged me Derek…to make her feel something again, I would have had to of been heartless not to." Mark felt his body tremble with rage. Derek never seen beyond himself, beyond his own hurt. It was always about Derek, always. Not anymore. Meredith was right, Derek wouldn't be able to love that baby. Every time he looked at him or her he would see Mark, would be reminded of what his wife had done. He might not want to, but he would come to hate the child, and no child deserved that. "You need to grow up. To stop looking at everyone else when things go wrong. You treated both Addison and Meredith like they were after thoughts. A person can only take that for so long before something in them snaps." "I never treated Meredith like she was an after thought," Derek defended. He knew better than to lie about his treatment of Addison, he had already confessed to that. "Why don't you ask her if she feels the same way," Mark sneered. Derek said nothing, just stared back at him with a hard, wounded look in his eyes. Mark softened a bit. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I never meant for…" "You never do," Derek said quietly. His shoulders droop. "Real mess I created, agreeing to help Addie." "Yeah," Mark sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. "You really think you can love that kid like your own?" Derek frowned. "Why wouldn't I? I know Addison doesn't…" He stopped, realizing Addison's baby wasn't the one he was talking about. "You want the truth? I don't know. I would like to think I could, that I'm a big enough man that I could look at that baby and see your goodness, but I'm sort of hard pressed to remember anything good about you these days." That was fair. Mark couldn't say he wouldn't feel the same way if the roles were reversed. "I'm not cut out to be a father," he blurted out. "You might surprise yourself," Derek muttered. "I love her, Mark, and baby or no baby I'm going to fight for her." "Why are you telling me this?" Mark frowned. There was nothing between Meredith and him, there never had been, except for the one night. "Figure it out," Derek spit out before slamming out of the apartment. Mark stared after him, feeling more confused and alone than he had before Derek arrived. _Who cheated whoYou're the one to blameTell me it ain't true _


End file.
